Hello...

is it me you're looking for?


I was wearing a crisp white shirt, and a well-ironed pair of black trousers. Very lawyer-like. No tie though, as it was past 8 o'clock and I was at the restaurant just to order some take-away dinner before heading home.

A guy walks into the restaurant, and asks me where the reunion is.

I say I don't know. He asks could it be upstairs. I say I really don't know, coz I don't work there. He leaves me, not embarrassed by his gaffe, but confused.

I look around the restaurant.

It was empty.

Except for me waiting for my takeaway order, and 3 waiters hanging around, in their crisp white shirts and well-ironed pair of black trousers.

*******

In university, we're assigned a tutor each. They take care of our academic welfare, and we see them periodicaly over every academic year.

I went to meet my tutor.

"So, how has your first year been?"

"Sir, I just completed my final year exams."

*******

I was waiting on the kerb with a friend, while our husband-and-wife friends were going into their sixth handbag shop.

"Can you take me?"

The both of us looked at the lady who asked the question.

"Sorry ma'am, we're on a break" I answered.

She left. I told my friend that we better move away from standing by the two London Black Cabs parked at the kerb, lest we get more queries like that.

*****

"Were you the one who bled?"

"No."

"Then you must be the one who crashed the car!"

*******

At a wedding, where I had given the wedding speech, the reception had ended and I was talking to the best man.

As the guests were filing out, an elderly uncle walked up to the best man and said:

"Well done!"

"Thank you uncle..." the best man says.

"Didn't realise you had that talent..."

"Err... thanks again..." the slightly perplexed best man said.

I was wondering too - standing by the groom and fanning him doesn't require exceptional talent... or does it??

"So, how long did it take to write the speech?"

Uncle... uncle... :-)

*******

Seeing a lady I knew, I went up to her and said...

"Hello aunty, how are you??"

From her reaction, without a doubt, she had no idea who I was.

After asking my name, and then my father's name, she suddenly sparkled as she seemed to remember who I was.

"Ah, I remember now, I attended your wedding last year!"

Funny...

I don't remember being there at my wedding.

Speak when you are angry...

and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.


Have you ever had people leave anonymous messages for you?

It's nice, isn't it? (except if you're being stalked... but I don't have that problem.)

Perhaps someone is noticing you.

Perhaps someone wants to speak to you, but doesn't get the opportunity to do so.

Or can't summon the courage to do so.

I've had a very small number of such messages left for me, but there's one I'll never forget.

It was a number of years ago at the Bangsar Shopping Centre in KL. I had gone to the mall with a friend, and had swung down to the lower basement to park. I parked near the lifts, as it would be easier to get to the car when we were ready to leave.

A couple of hours later, we were back at the car park.

As I was about to get into the driver's seat, I noticed a neatly folded piece of paper under the wiper on my windscreen.

Hmm.

Suddenly, I twinkled.

I looked around, and there was no one scurrying away, or trying to escape my gaze…

My heart was pounding already. Who could it be... this stranger leaving a note for me, putting it on my windscreen knowing full well I will not miss it...

I took the note, and opened it with bated breath.

And there it was. The message for me, written so crisply such that its meaning could not be any clearer...


“Thank you for parking here. You block everyone. Assholes like you should take the bus instead.”


Damn...

Tight slap on the face it was like...

*******

I didn't park in a parking spot I admit, but I didn't block everyone.