PKTR...

I felt like drowning.

Left and right, all around, were 42 other 17-year olds. Girls and boys. As each one spoke, I dreaded when it would be my turn to do so. Each spoke eloquently, and some of them used words I'd never heard of. One guy looked familiar, I figured out later that I had seen him on TV. They had opinions on worldly matters... and I was just concerned about how my favourite local football team would fare in the league. What can I say to impress this lot?

One said his ambition was to be the prime minister - that was my que to regret having decided to come for this boot camp. I lived about 45 minutes away from this hostel, and could arrange a quick gateaway. Either that, or spend the next 10 days with this bunch of ambitious, over-achieving, well-spoken, confident, boarding-schooled and weird individuals.

That was December 1995. The Tun Razak Leadership Programme. It was supposed to bring together outstanding student leaders from all over Malaysia, and...

*******

...no, I didn't abandon the programme in the end.

I didn't bring a camera either, but the memories of the programme remain etched in my mind.

I'll never forget the absolute darkness and deafening silence in the depths of Batu Caves. Where one can be lost forever even though only minutes away from civilisation. Or the thousands of cockroaches scurrying just a few feet above our heads before we were plunged into the darkness.

Or the night I spent with a leech stuck on my back, only to discover it when I was showering the next day. It probably died of an overdose of my toxic blood, but even in death, its jaw was still embedded onto my flesh...

We learnt a lot from those who came to speak to us, from the many visits we made but mostly from each other. I was enlightened. I learnt not to underestimate what I can learn from the experiences of others, regardless of their background (and having gone back to the programme numerous times after that - regardless of age). And equally, I learnt not to underestimate what others can learn from me.

Larry King once said, "I never learn a thing when I open my mouth". I became a much better listener after the programme (PKTR, not Larry King Live).

Well, I may have missed the latest instalment of the programme, but I should be back next year. To do what I do best with a new bunch of ambitious, over-achieving, well-spoken, confident, boarding-schooled and wierd individuals.